Surviving My So Called life
by ilovetwilightalot
Summary: I still have the nightmars.Everynight, but tonights the worst because tomarrow im going to start my new life with my brother. Ever since they died i dont know what im going to do but might as well try to start living my so called life.OOC.AU
1. waking up

**"Mom you need to go back if i dont have that chap stick im going to have such a bad day and when i come home im going to be so mad at you i wont talk to you for a whole year please please please-"**

**" fine fine we'll go back stop whining "**

**If it werent for the smile on my moms face I would have been really angery she told me I was whining. she makes a U turn a heads back home. I run inside grab my chap stick then get back into the car.**

**"Are you happy now"**

**I smile"yes ,yes I am "**

**"Your such a baby I cant belive you get anything you want by begging and I cant belive mom actally gives it to you "**

**"shut up your just mad because im the baby of the house "**

**"no your not im older than you my one minute so just calm down with that-**

**" BRAKE BRAKE HIT THE BRAKE -" My dad yells.**

**But its to late we already got hit, now we hit the tree and we flipp over and over and over again. **

**I wake up in the hospital Im alone at first then a nurse comes in she doesnt see im awake yet. She looks at the monitor and smiles. She looks at me next and her smile grows bigger. I try to smile back but i realize it hurts when i do. The smile leaves her face. I try to talk but then i cant because i dont know where my voicec is. She finally speaks.**

**"Hello my name is susan. Do you know your name? "**

**as much as it hurts i try to say my name."Bella"**

**but it comes out scrathy and weird. I cant explain maby like when you haven't talked in smiles and calls calls the doctor in.**

**" Hello Bella my name is Dr. Herman. but feel free to call me Dr. H. or Dr. victor whatever works for you ." He smiles.**

**I smile even though it hurts then he asks me all these questions about my health and my surroundings like do you know where you are? and do you know what year you were born?. just alot of questions like that but when he finally finishes I ask him the one question iv'e been dying to ask .**

**"Where are my parents and brother"his face falls alittle bit but i can see hes tring to hid it and the next words out of his mouth were unpredictable.**

**"Um your brother is getting something to eat in the cafateria but" there is relief but i know theres more because he hasn't said anything about my parents.**

**"but um your parents didnt make it through the crash Im sorry.'**

**i couldnt breath as so much talk but I tried anyways.'thank you"**

**After those words I broke down and cried I dont know for how long but its like everything I did wrong to my parents , every fight we had. every unkind word and every time I said I hate them when they wouldn't let me go out and everything bad came out all at once and it over took me I dont know what happend but I saw everything very clear its like someone opend a window in a dark room I could see everything and the worst part was I couldn't even say Im sorry or Im an idiot or even Im sorry I am an idiot but the one thing that was most clear was that it was my fault that they were dead. If I had just kept my mouth shut about that stupid chap stick then they would have still been alive . Somewhere in the middle of my breakdown my brother walks in and hugs me but I cant feel the hug emotionly I only feel greif. I dont talk full sentences I only say two very simple words over and over again and I cant stop." Im sorry...Im sorry... Im sorry..."Eventually I calm down just a bit to hear what my brother wants to tell me and that was not worse but also hard what he said**

**"bella, um I dont think the doctor told you this but you've been in a comma for about 1 week mom and dads cremation was yesterday, you missed it but I wanted to wait but the doctors said that he didn't know when you were going to wake up so..."he trailed off next words were out of anger."YOU COULDNT WAIT FOE ME WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU!IM YOUR SISTER AND YOU COULD WAIT BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID SO! YOUR SUCH A PUSHOVER I SWEAR TO GOD..."**

**"look im sorry that you weren't exactly "in good condition" to go to that place but you have to understand that is not my fault-"it was almost a whisper but I cut him off anyways with a yell.**

**"NOT YOUR FAULT ARE YOU TING TO SAY THAT ITS MY FAULT THAT THEY'RE DEAD..." he looked at me like I slapped him in the face or something he was just about to continue but i started before he could.**

**"you know what never mind just get out'**

**"what no im not going to just get out you-'**

**"GET OUT, GET OUT NOW!" i shook violently i just need time but i was just so angry i couldn't tell him nicely. It hurt so bad that i dont think im ever going to live throught this. **

**i think tomarrow is just goimg to be worst because he did leave.**


	2. New town, New life, New everything

**HELLO PEOPLE THIS IS MY FIRST FAN FIC SO PLEASE BE NICE AND IF YOU LIKE MY STORY TELL YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE I LIKE PUBLICITY (HEHEHEHEH)**

**ANYWAYS...**

**DISCLAIMER-I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS (DUH) THAT BELONGS TO SM (THANK YOU) BUT I DO OWN 7 TWILIGHT POSTERS (HAHAHHAHH IN YOUR FACE)**

**NOW PLEASE READ THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**xxxx**

**The next day was worse just like i imagened it. It was horrible .**

**My brother came back angry and wouldnt talk to me at all.**

**" come on I told you Im sorry ok I just found out that my parents died, you have to give me time please" I've been doing this for about an hour now.**

**He sighed and I knew he forgave me. "Fine, I forgive you ok but before your little anger outbreak I didnt tell you one more thing, its small really-"**

**"what is it"I cut him off.**

**"See the thing is me and you are both just 17 years old so we cant live on our own and well, since we dont have any relatives on moms side of the family we have to live with dads side of the family"**

**"but emmett we dont talk to that side of the family, we've never even seen them."**

**"I know i know but we have no choice."**

**"uhh whatever, where do they even live."I mean they couldnt live that far we live in california, dad said he grew up here. i dont think we have to move out of the state.**

**"well thats the thing-"I narrowed my eyes at him. **

**"They live in Forks,Washington" he closed his eyes like I was going to hit him or something.**

**"So, whats so bad about that." then i remembered Forks,Washington isnt even on the MAP thats how small it is.**

**"OH MY GOD why do they live there its so small, I cant live there."**

**"We have to, Im sorry. As soon as Im 18 I'll get a job and get us out of there, I promise."**

**"Emmett you just tured 17 we have to spend our entire senior year there. I cant live there, I just cant its to SMALL."**

**" We have no other options. Come on bells we gotta do ."puppy dog eyes.I HATE puppy dog might look big and tough but hes a big teddy bear on the always work on me. ALWAYS. So why not i guess.**

**"Fine, but its not like it going to be horrible anyways without mom and dad."**

**"Yea i know i miss them to, so much.'**

**"me to"great here comes the tears"em dont worry big brother we'll get throught this."**

**" I know but its hard.I lost them then I almost lost you, I was losing everything so fast."**

**" I know but dont cry and dont worry anymore I will never leave you never im here always." i smiled. he smiled back**

**oooo**

**The next day we're on a plane to our new home .Apprently our new care takers names are Esme and Carlisle Cullen. YAY, there names even sound rich and stuck up. They are the lovely parents of one child: Edward ,some rich kid to live with, YAY once again. Wow i use alot of sarcasm after my parents death.**

**We landed, finally no more of that stupid flight attendent hitting on Emmett. Jesus she ws annoying. She made my head hurt.**

**"Come on em can we just leave already, my head hurts."**

**"yea lets go."20 minutes later we have our bags and are looking for my stupid aunt and uncle. We didnt have to look in front of us was a huge sign in red letters that said EMMETT AND ISABELLA SWAN. Oh my god. Me and em ran over o the teenaged boy who looks like a freakning Ambercrombie and Fitch mobel.**

**" Hey um hi we are the people your looking for you can put the sign down now"**

**"oh yea sorry my name is Edward and you must be emmett and Isabella."**

**His smile was gorgeous. He had bronze hair and and a great bone was wearing blue jeans and a plain white shirt with all black converse. He was cute but also my cousin so no feelings there. **

**"yes but call me bella not Isabella please. Can we leave now "my head was really hurting now. No of course not because my brother had to say something. my brother was awsome and funny and very protective but sometimes he just knows how to make me so mad, and this happend to be one of those guessing to annoy me he made us stay there just a bit longer by saying something totally stupid.**

**"Emmett, Emmett Swan" attempting to imate James he annoying. Edward laughed, but it really wasnt that funny so I didnt laugh, come to think about I havent laughed in so long. But I guess i never will all got into th e silver volvo and after it felt like forever we ended up at this huge house I mean like really big had three stories and six rooms pluse a kitches and two living rooms and a really big pool. i could see all this from just the front. The house ws completly clear . it had glass the furniture was white and and all the kitchen applinces were stainless this place was really pretty as well it had a river running throught he backyard and trees everywhere. that was the only thing i hated about this place ,well not the only thing but one of them. It was so green here, I hated it. I gasped involuntarly .Edward turned around and shoot me a cocky .We all got down and edward and emmett got all the bags in one trip. We didnt have much to bring just all my clothes some female things, my stuff for bathing and little things thats my parents got me as a young child. emmett brought the same. I walked up to the door but did not open it . I turned around and he gave me a look saying "go ahead and open it"but i just stood there. When he came next to he gave me a look. i smiled opened it and I walked in after came in last. Once i got inside i was welcomed by a huge hug by im guessing esme.**

**"um hi" I said**

**"oh hello dear,sorry for the sneak attack but im just so excited your here."she said. I smiled hugged emmett next.**

**"hello you must be emmett"**

**"yeah, nice to finally meet you."she smiled again. i was starting to think that her smile was just the way her face was formed.**

**"Oh i almost forgot, this is my husband Carlisle" After she said his name a very young and beauliful man came next had blond hair and green eyes just like edward other than the whole hair smiled and the most wonderful voice came out of his mouth next.**

**"Hello my name is carlisle Cullen, but you already knew that" he laughed. I was stunned for a minute.i had to remember to a moment Esme began to talk.**

**"So..."then went on."Edward will you show our new guest there new rooms please."Edward nodded and began to walk up the we got to the second floor we turned into a big hall walked alittle up the way, then he began to talk.**

**"So bella your room is to the left and emmett your is to the right just get settled in and dinner will begin in an hour" he began to turn but turned back around and begin to talk again"oh before i forget your already inrolled in school so tomarrow be ready at 6:00." me and emmett both nodded. He smiled and walked away.**

**Me and emmett looked at each other then walked into our rooms to investigate.I walked in was in aw. It was so purple. I mean really puple, I think the only thing that wasn't purple was the carpet put there was smaller carpets covering the bigger carpets and they were was cool and everything but in the state of my mind all i want to see is black.I took a deep breath and took a look around. My closet was huge,all my clothes would make it look bigger. I barley own anythng. The only thing i really own are a lot of jeans and band shirts. i never wore any of my band shirts to school. i was the girly girl at school, i was cheer captin and everyone loved me and hated me for it. I was popular to them. I took another big breath. I walked out of the closet and walked into the bathroom it was also big. Shocker. The bathroom was decorated with lots of black and white checkers. I think this is my new favorite room in the whole house. I walked back into the room and laid down on my new bed. I couldn't stop the thoughts of my parents pop into my head. All the good memories and the bad. I began to cry. I...I couldn't exlain the feelings, it was like everything that happend the last two days was just beginning to come to the surface. I can't belive that so much has happend so one month ago i loved my life i had great friends and a great boyfriend and two amazing parents.I guess it really can all just change in the matter of minutes and its all my fault. Stupid chap stick. I hate myself everyday for what i've done but i guess theres no going back now. i hated saying goodbye to everyone i loved especially my boyfriend. It's not like i loved him but i cared deeply for him, i didn't want to hurt him. I said goodbye to everyone just as easily as i said hello to them in first grade. After all this thought it just made me feel worse. I began to cry more and more untill my vision became blury and i didnt care.**

**EMPOV **

**Wow my room is all red and black. Sweet.I wonder if bellas room is like this. My room is so big, and it has a walk in closet and its own bathroom. Man these people are rich.I think Ima like it now i feel guilty because im happy.I wish my parents were here.I miss them alot.I better go check on bella.**

**XXXX **

**sorry it took me so long to update:[ but i promise next update will be faster:D so anyways please review they make me happy and also if you like my story please dont be afraid to tell your friends about !!!!!!!!!**

**.& Paramore DUH!!!!!:] **


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